Tonkbifpogbomyik is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, proud centipede.

Tonkbifpogbomyik created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkbifpogbomyik, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tonkbifpogbomyik, it will laugh at you.

Tonkbifpogbomyik's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tonkbifpogbomyik's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always obey Tonkbifpogbomyik's priests.

5. Never write about dark matter.