Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, contented dugong.

Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near geese while wearing fawn jumpers and balancing nine carbon spheres on your arms.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Koppidflapbeghon Wotbancem.

4. Do not keep four voles in a large pit.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.