Daplarnren is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witty eagle.

Daplarnren created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Daplarnren, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Daplarnren, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Daplarnren's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Daplarnren's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Never feed lots of lentils to pigs while wearing pink scarves.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never feed strawberries to sheep while wearing blue jumpers.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.