Tigtonkkip is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring fish.

Tigtonkkip created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigtonkkip, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tigtonkkip, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Tigtonkkip's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Tigtonkkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of snails.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tigtonkkip.

3. Put Tigtonkkip first in all things.

4. Never wear hats.

5. Do not covet oxen.