Teenmetcum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, happy ant.

Teenmetcum created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Teenmetcum, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Teenmetcum, he will refuse to believe in you.

Teenmetcum's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Teenmetcum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. You must pray to Teenmetcum five times a day.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never play with disobedient children.