Ortbigbit Nartkabflab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, awe-inspiring bird.

Ortbigbit Nartkabflab created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortbigbit Nartkabflab, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Ortbigbit Nartkabflab, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Ortbigbit Nartkabflab's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Ortbigbit Nartkabflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

3. Ortbigbit Nartkabflab loves frogs, so they must be respected.

4. Never wear violet rings.

5. Always remove coats before touching platinum.