Hogsaftaillib is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, omnipotent hydra.

Hogsaftaillib created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogsaftaillib, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hogsaftaillib, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hogsaftaillib's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Hogsaftaillib's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

4. Never feed cucumbers to squirrels while wearing magenta jumpers.

5. Do not drink alcohol.