Zimloopnib is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, unselfish crane.

Zimloopnib created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Zimloopnib, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zimloopnib, he will turn you into a rock.

Zimloopnib's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Zimloopnib's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs in need.

2. Do not drink water in white rooms.

3. Never bounce near porpoises.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never feed peanuts to tapirs while wearing turquoise corsets.