Ladquambop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet crane.

Ladquambop created the Andromeda Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladquambop, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ladquambop, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Ladquambop's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Ladquambop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt ducks.

2. Never talk about spacetime near mites while wearing fawn boots and balancing six gold spheres on your feet.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Ladquambop.