Sawkoppib is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witless jackal.

Sawkoppib created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sawkoppib, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sawkoppib, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sawkoppib's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Sawkoppib's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick shrews.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not prepare oranges while filled with joy.

4. Never cross mountains at dawn.

5. Never approach rivers carrying wood.