Catlenlop is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, egotistical porpoise.

Catlenlop created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Catlenlop, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Catlenlop, he will turn you into a dog.

Catlenlop's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Catlenlop's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching zinc.