Loopwegyar is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, flying dolphin.

Loopwegyar created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopwegyar, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Loopwegyar, it will turn you into a rat.

Loopwegyar's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Loopwegyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Never eat strawberries.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.