Hotnutquart is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, idiotic shrew.

Hotnutquart created the Large Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotnutquart, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hotnutquart, he will cry a lot.

Hotnutquart's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Hotnutquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at towers at midday.

2. Hotnutquart loves birds, so they must be honoured.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.