Fithimkem is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, sapient spider.

Fithimkem created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fithimkem, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fithimkem, it will manifest in front of you.

Fithimkem's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Fithimkem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Fithimkem loves cats, so they must be respected.

3. Do not eat beans.

4. Never think about special relativity near badgers while wearing pink trousers and balancing eight gold spheres on your head.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.