Ligbonkbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, blissful wyvern.

Ligbonkbarn created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ligbonkbarn, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ligbonkbarn, she will turn you into a rock.

Ligbonkbarn's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Ligbonkbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

2. You must never eat gooseberries.

3. Never talk about enzymes.

4. Always store beans above ground.

5. Never eat bark.