Gubquartgup is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, ill-tempered goblin.

Gubquartgup created the planet Venus eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gubquartgup, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gubquartgup, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gubquartgup's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Gubquartgup's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Gubquartgup on top of all buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never pray while filled with anger.