Arplamben is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, wise snail.

Arplamben created bats five million years ago.

If you believe in Arplamben, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Arplamben, it will turn you into a tree.

Arplamben's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Arplamben's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of secrets.

2. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

3. Do not eat aubergines.

4. Never sprint in the presence of elders.

5. Never mix wheat with ash.