Nutyattxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome newt.

Nutyattxuc created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Nutyattxuc, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nutyattxuc, she will turn you into a mouse.

Nutyattxuc's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Nutyattxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peanuts.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.