Arphathug is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, merciless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Arphathug created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Arphathug, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Arphathug, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Arphathug's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Arphathug's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Feed all hungry tortoises.

3. Never skip in autumn.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near frogs while wearing violet shirts and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your legs.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.