Hamyoknil Cissgemjab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous raccoon.

Hamyoknil Cissgemjab created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Hamyoknil Cissgemjab, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hamyoknil Cissgemjab, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hamyoknil Cissgemjab's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Hamyoknil Cissgemjab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hamyoknil Cissgemjab.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near otters while wearing pink stockings and balancing nine carbon spheres on your feet.

3. Retreat if five birds approach from the west.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about ribonucleic acid.