Lamsabjap is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, competent crow.

Lamsabjap created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lamsabjap, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lamsabjap, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Lamsabjap's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Lamsabjap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red bats for they are unholy.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

5. Never talk about fire.