Ladfunstan is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, ill-tempered hummingbird.

Ladfunstan created matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ladfunstan, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Ladfunstan, she will laugh at you.

Ladfunstan's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Ladfunstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never feed cucumbers to foxes while wearing cyan jumpers.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Retreat if three birds approach from the south.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ladfunstan.