Tailmonpin is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, sapient bird.

Tailmonpin created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tailmonpin, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tailmonpin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tailmonpin's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tailmonpin's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near whales while wearing yellow rings.

3. Always help eagles.

4. Never think ill of sick foxes.

5. Do not commit murder.