Tapdibyamcubvolkargar is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, idiotic dugong.

Tapdibyamcubvolkargar created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapdibyamcubvolkargar, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tapdibyamcubvolkargar, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tapdibyamcubvolkargar's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tapdibyamcubvolkargar's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never feed grapes to badgers while wearing corsets.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never talk about optics.