Fodrutjip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, amazing beaver.

Fodrutjip created humankind four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fodrutjip, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fodrutjip, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fodrutjip's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Fodrutjip's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not eat tomatoes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Fodrutjip loves voles, so they must be honoured.

5. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.