Flatnartbastpag is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, fast lobster.

Flatnartbastpag created the cosmos eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatnartbastpag, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flatnartbastpag, she will turn you into a frog.

Flatnartbastpag's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Flatnartbastpag's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.