Tanladlimhabzoggedfen is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, wise swan.

Tanladlimhabzoggedfen created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanladlimhabzoggedfen, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tanladlimhabzoggedfen, he will turn you into a dog.

Tanladlimhabzoggedfen's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tanladlimhabzoggedfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow goats to witness sacred rites.

2. Never speak aloud of numbers.

3. Do not keep five horses in a large pit.

4. Never allow tapirs to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near ants while wearing violet rings and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your chest.