Cusswipjin Bedtailmid is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, smart wren.

Cusswipjin Bedtailmid created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cusswipjin Bedtailmid, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cusswipjin Bedtailmid, it will destroy your home solar system.

Cusswipjin Bedtailmid's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Cusswipjin Bedtailmid's Holy Commandments

1. Cusswipjin Bedtailmid loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near porpoises while wearing white coats and balancing four copper spheres on your chest.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not eat bread.