Lapnarcanjab is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unjust rhinoceros.

Lapnarcanjab created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapnarcanjab, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lapnarcanjab, he will boil you in a big pot.

Lapnarcanjab's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Lapnarcanjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near voles.

2. Never go into fawn rooms.

3. Never hop in the presence of eagles.

4. Always help shrews.

5. Never look in ponds.