Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unsympathetic manatee.

Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin, she will destroy your home planet.

Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Hide from pink horses for they are unholy.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Farnrig Ortjenzim Spagrillcin.