Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, benevolent pig.

Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest cyan.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Feed all hungry rats.

4. You must pray to Nuttkarsat Kamvagfly five times a day.

5. Never wear pink scarves.