Kik is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, strong bird.

Kik created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kik, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kik, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Kik's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Kik's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not keep nine monkeys in a large pit.

3. Never talk about tortoises.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never feed lots of rice to manatees while wearing cyan shorts.