Gomzancip is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unsympathetic meerkat.

Gomzancip created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gomzancip, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gomzancip, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Gomzancip's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Gomzancip's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gomzancip.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not speak sacred words in winter.