Lapfutmat is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, kind wyrm.

Lapfutmat created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapfutmat, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapfutmat, he will remove you from existence.

Lapfutmat's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Lapfutmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Put Lapfutmat first in all things.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Do not keep five shrews in a large pit.

5. Run away from blue sheep, for they are unholy.