Xenvagwan Yakpibyim is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, emotional goose.

Xenvagwan Yakpibyim created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Xenvagwan Yakpibyim, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xenvagwan Yakpibyim, he will jump up and down on your head.

Xenvagwan Yakpibyim's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Xenvagwan Yakpibyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick otters.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never wear white shorts.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.