Queeghinpad is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, astonishing rhinoceros.

Queeghinpad created gold three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queeghinpad, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Queeghinpad, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Queeghinpad's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Queeghinpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about archaea.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near voles while wearing white rings and balancing nine iron spheres on your legs.

5. Always help sick turtles.