Quafnulltonbom is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, self-assured monkey.

Quafnulltonbom created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quafnulltonbom, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quafnulltonbom, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Quafnulltonbom's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Quafnulltonbom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never record numbers.

5. Do not sit in public.