Hapbedcap is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic tortoise.

Hapbedcap created the Cigar Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapbedcap, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hapbedcap, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hapbedcap's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Hapbedcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to dogs while wearing blue shirts.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Snails are not to be trusted.

4. Never feed lots of tomatoes to snakes while wearing indigo stockings.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Hapbedcap in the centre of the settlement.