Quimcabcat is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, confident human.

Quimcabcat created water five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimcabcat, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quimcabcat, she will laugh at you.

Quimcabcat's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Quimcabcat's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

2. Erect four zinc sculptures of Quimcabcat on top of important buildings.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Never feed lots of strawberries to mites while wearing black ear rings.

5. Learn five new languages a year.