Wan is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciful monkey.

Wan created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wan, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Wan's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Wan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick sharks.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Never feed lots of strawberries to badgers while wearing magenta boots.

4. Never mention ants.

5. You must pray to Wan four times a day.