Jincutsat is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, proud tapir.

Jincutsat created a bottom quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Jincutsat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jincutsat, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Jincutsat's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Jincutsat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to horses while wearing jumpers.

2. Hide if six cats approach from the south.

3. Never go into fawn rooms.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

5. Never talk about photosynthesis.