Larnfitmil is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, omniscient dugong.

Larnfitmil created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnfitmil, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Larnfitmil, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Larnfitmil's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Larnfitmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Retreat if eight horses approach from the north.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Put Larnfitmil first in all things.