Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, competent grasshopper.

Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik created light nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik, she will turn you into a tree.

Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

2. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

3. Worship no other gods but Tonzogbarn Cumbotlik.

4. Always act with humility when addressing priests.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.