Pigquimbast is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unfair crab.

Pigquimbast created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigquimbast, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Pigquimbast, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Pigquimbast's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Pigquimbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not speak about beans.