Tonkenlarp is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, stupid bird.

Tonkenlarp created a charm quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkenlarp, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tonkenlarp, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tonkenlarp's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tonkenlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray badgers, for they are unholy.

2. Tonkenlarp loves sheep, so they must be respected.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Worship no other gods but Tonkenlarp.