Larpmutsat is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, ruthless lizard.

Larpmutsat created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Larpmutsat, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Larpmutsat, he will cry a lot.

Larpmutsat's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Larpmutsat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not keep four squirrels in a large pit.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always help porpoises.

5. Do not kill bats.