Bifflatcud is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, fast cow.

Bifflatcud created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifflatcud, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bifflatcud, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bifflatcud's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Bifflatcud's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bifflatcud.

2. Never fashion tools from bone.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never point your legs toward the north during prayer.

5. Do not hurt otters.