Kiplopbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a small, overgenerous crocodile.

Kiplopbaf created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Kiplopbaf, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Kiplopbaf, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Kiplopbaf's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Kiplopbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Worship no other gods but Kiplopbaf.

3. Never sprint in the presence of elders.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

5. Never write about archaea.