Doghotyarpmat is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, compassionate lizard.

Doghotyarpmat created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Doghotyarpmat, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Doghotyarpmat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Doghotyarpmat's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Doghotyarpmat's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Doghotyarpmat on top of all buildings.

2. Always help sick great tits.

3. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

4. Do not speak about wheat.

5. Do not trade with those who eat onions.