Kimlaphivhas is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, fussy wombat.

Kimlaphivhas created an electron three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimlaphivhas, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kimlaphivhas, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kimlaphivhas' most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kimlaphivhas' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry pigs.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near horses while wearing brown boots and balancing six tin spheres on your hands.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.