Mumjatspag Dissquilleg Sascitbidjon is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, tiresome raccoon.

Mumjatspag Dissquilleg Sascitbidjon created the Sol system six million years ago.

If you believe in Mumjatspag Dissquilleg Sascitbidjon, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Mumjatspag Dissquilleg Sascitbidjon, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Mumjatspag Dissquilleg Sascitbidjon's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Mumjatspag Dissquilleg Sascitbidjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not cook food in pots.