Davbantit is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, merciful shrew.

Davbantit created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Davbantit, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Davbantit, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Davbantit's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Davbantit's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry monkeys.

2. Always obey Davbantit's priests.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Swans are not to be trusted.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.